I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
