Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Who died my cat blue again?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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