I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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