Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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