normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
