I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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