Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
