and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
