have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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