so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
