I got chris browned last night
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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