it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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