Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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