This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
