I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
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