I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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