she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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