I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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