how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I need to align my fucking chakras
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
