I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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