can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
