We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
