That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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