i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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