Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
