You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
