problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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