no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
