Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My legs feel like baby dolphins
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
