:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
