I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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