I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
