Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
