Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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