I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
