grandma shit on top of the toilet
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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