I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
