Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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