Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
