Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
