I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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