I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
