Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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