don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
