You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
