Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He passed out mid-signature
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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