So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
