My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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