yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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