Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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